I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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