RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
