i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you had me at cake vodka
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
