Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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