I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
