I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Where is the hickey?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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