I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
