really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
