I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
