these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i already hear my dad disowning me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
