Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
