when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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