shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
