He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
