dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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