Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
