Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want a musical about memes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
