Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
