her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think i have two assholes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
