I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
