I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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