I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
