two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
