he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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