Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
