got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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