i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Boobs are out for the taking
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
