I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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