my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
