last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
