You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
