Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
