This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So apparently I’m into choking now
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
