I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
