Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
