My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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