I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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