Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
