So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
