last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
