it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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