Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
