butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
