I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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