I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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