Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
