i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I see more hoeing in ur future
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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