I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
