Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
