I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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