we have pet lesbian snakes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
