So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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