Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
